Cannon Fodder

The Super Bowl Deserves Holiday Status

The Super Bowl has reached the point where calls are increasing coming for it to become an American holiday, although it would be more logical to call for the holiday on the Monday after the big game. That’s when everyone needs a day off. Just like New Year’s Day off after the big New Year’s Eve extravaganza.

The Super Bowl does give good cause for a holiday. No other American tradition so perfectly captures our lives. Think about it: Heavily armored warriors take to battle, almost always in warm weather or under cover, in a battle for 60 minutes to proclaim a champion. Sounds like work to me, except for the armor and the weather (the temperature at work is always iffy). The day is a tribute to survival. Players have given up years of their life, not to mention in some cases any chance of a degree or real job, to push each other around on grass, real or artificial, to determine the strongest, most able athletes. We watch, having selected our favorite team in the battle or the one or ones predetermined by the random selections on a $5-a-square grid. Others of us make more serious commitments, betting money, beer, or other foolishness if our team loses. We invest more in choosing a winning team than many of us put into choosing a president, or senator, or tax collector.

The Super Bowl fuels our economy. We buy extra rations, beer, soda, chips, etc., to prepare for the big event, and we invite our closest friends and family to share in a communal watching of the big event, preferably at the house with the biggest TV. We put aside difference, squabbles and fights to share in this special day.

We build a collective consciousness as we watch the endless stream of silly commercials, hoping that one or two might be worth our investment (I’ve actually gone to the bathroom during play to avoid missing a big commercial) not to mention the $2.4 million the advertiser paid for a 30-second spot this year. Was life not changed for all of us in 1984 with Apple’s commercial? Did we ever think that horses could play football and that a zebra could be ref? Until a Super Bowl, we could not have Yahoo!-ed. And the list goes on and on. And the commercials, if we accept them, will play on an on in the coming weeks and months.

And like all good holidays, evil does exist. For those who were wickedly observant and sober during 2004’s halftime show and who were actually watching her perform with Justin Timberlake (I admit it, I was, but I can’t figure out why), they saw Janet Jackson’s right breast from a million miles away for about 1/10 of a second. To a 13-year-old boy, it was a perfect vision. For the rest of us, it was more of a joke.

Yet the “wardrobe malfunction” (now a word in our vocabulary) caused enough of a panic to change the fabric of our culture with TV and radio now more cautious than ever about the content they carry. Her exposure spawned 5-second delays, 10-second delays, fines, and universal awareness of the name of FCC Chairman, Michael Powell. (No one seemed to care that he was Secretary of State Colin Powell’s son, which is odd since you figure there aren’t that many government jobs at that level and a father and son seem to have scored two big ones. Must be the family genes.)

Janet Jackson’s stunt continues to hurt us daily. Because of Janet -- or Miss Jackson, because she really, really was nasty -- Fox felt compelled to choose Paul McCartney to perform at this year’s halftime show. In the list of performers worth mentioning for consideration for such a plum assignment, he stands next to the kid who played Oliver on “The Brady Bunch,” Anson Williams from “Happy Days” fame, the boys of Hanson (Mmm-bop would have probably passed the censor’s knife) and the guys who can’t taste their beer anymore. It’s actually a brilliant decision from Fox. No one will be watching McCartney so whether he is wearing clothes, whether they malfunction, or whether he even sings won’t matter one bit. It’s perfect FCC safety for Fox.

No offense, but that’s a resume that’s every bit as impressive what gets us Labor Day or the day after Thanksgiving.

The Super Bowl should have a holiday associated with it because, like it or not, the Super Bowl shapes much of our lives. Arguably, nothing has affected what we see and hear in the media more than the Janet Jackson incident of last year, which came in the middle of the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl Monday should be a national holiday. You heard it here first.